How to Find Love: Are you ready to take an X-ray of what you think love is? (part 2)

I mentioned in the last article the importance of understanding where you stand in the financial area. Whether unemployed, employed, freelancers, entrepreneurs, or investors, each level has advantages and responsibilities. However, if you want different things and move to the superior level, you must be prepared to do everything differently. The saying goes: if you want to have what others don’t, you must do what others don’t. To understand how to find love, first you need to understand what love is.

This description helped my client because after he understood the evolutionary stages and did his work, he felt more balanced and managed to let go of the pressure.

In this article I’ll tell you about another important area in our life: how to find love and romantic relationships. As in the financial area, there are 4 levels of evolution:

  1. separated, divorced, abandoned, dumped;
  2. in an unfulfilling relationship or a contractual type: I give you something, and you must give me something;
  3. single;
  4. in a fulfilling relationship, where both partners are well on their own and consciously choose to be together. 

It will be more evident after you understand why people are in relationships, depending on their needs.

1. the person who is abandoned has, in this stage, a massive need for attention. He or she is always on the mission how to find love. They always say the other person was to blame for the relationship’s breakup. 

2. In the second phase, both partners are in the relationship because they need each other. Each wants and expects the other to fulfill specific responsibilities: security, comfort, status, or sex. They do not even think on how to find love, because they are in their mind.

3. The single one begins to understand that they can live alone and start to enjoy life on their own. How to find Love? These people always answer – why do I need somebody?

4. Those in a conscious relationship are well on their own, are emotionally balanced, and are satisfied with themselves. They enjoy the present moment and are happy when their loved one enters the room. They know that a romantic relationship is another area of life, alongside vocation, career, health, family, or friends. They understand that a relationship is an opportunity for growth, and they welcome this new challenge, regardless of the result.

Depending on their emotional maturity, they can be described as follows:

1. the abandoned person – they think and feel like an orphan. They do not know how to find love on their own. They have the psychology of a child because who else, but a child can be an orphan? Self-esteem is low, and they are dependent on the opinion of others.

2. The people from a contractual relationshipthe “I give to you, and you must give me something back” type, also have a child mentality. They expect things from the outside and cannot take care of themselves. They are unaware that they can get everything they want on their own.

3. Single people begin to take control of life, and emotional maturity starts here.

4. Those in a fulfilling relationship are mature, and the transition to true love only occurs here. You can recognize these people easily because not many take responsibility for their life’s results and no longer look for excuses. How to find love is no longer a question to these people, because they have everything they need on the inside.

When people say, “I love you!”:

1. The one who is abandoned feels only frustration, hatred, and anger. No love or “I love you!” is possible at this time yet.

2. The one in a contractual relationship, as, unfortunately, most relationships are, will say “I love you!” only after the other has said it first or shown his affection clearly.

3. At this level, people become more self-aware, and self-love begins here. People begin to accept, appreciate, and like themselves more. Nobody can start to love another person until they are at peace with the past and begin to love themselves.

4. The one in a fulfilling relationship says, “I love you!” because that’s how they feel. It is a sign of vulnerability, of showing the intimate side. They have made a conscious choice to be in that relationship and give the other person the freedom to make their own choice. They are not waiting for an answer because they understand love’s secret: love is acceptance. 

What you must understand is that there is no shortcut. There is no elevator. No one can go straight to 4 without going through 3,2,1 first. Just as you can’t lose 20 kilograms in a month, you must understand that the processes from each level build the superior one. 

Your relationship status may be on one level, but psychologically you may be on another. Understanding your thinking is essential to transforming and reaching a fulfilling relationship. 

Limiting beliefs of those who are separated:

  • the other one was to blame for this breakup;
  • I lost the best years of my life with him/her;
  • I’d rather not have known him/her;
  • I only lost in that relationship;
  • all women are sluts;
  • all men are pigs;
  • all men cheat;
  • she only wanted me for the money;
  • he only wanted me for the sex;
  • I’ll never get over the last relationship. 

The limiting beliefs of those in an unfulfilling relationship: 

  • I give you, and you must give me;
  • I did my job, you must do yours;
  • life has meaning only in the company of someone;
  • I have to sacrifice myself for this relationship to work;
  • I can’t trust my partner;
  • to be happy, it’s mandatory to have a relationship;
  • I have to sacrifice my freedom for this relationship.

Limiting beliefs of single people:

  • Why try? All the good ones are already taken?
  • I can never trust anyone;
  • love doesn’t exist;
  • I’m too young/old for a relationship;
  • I’m not good enough;
  • there’s no one to date in the place I live;
  • I’m afraid I’ll be rejected again;
  • I’m too picky;
  • no one understands me;
  • no one likes me;
  • I can never get what I want;
  • I’m too broken for a relationship;
  • I’m afraid I’ll end up dependent on the other person again;
  • I’m hopeless. 

If you liked what you read and find it valuable, think about a limiting belief about love or how to find love. If you want to get rid of this negative belief, share it with me, and I will give you at least one option to eliminate it and replace it with a useful one.

Is this information important to you in understanding how to find love?

If so, think about a limiting belief about love. If you want to get rid of it, share it with me, and I will give you at least one option to eliminate it and replace it with a useful one.

If you want to learn more, I’ll tell you that understanding and changing beliefs is part of the NLP Practitioner course held in English in Munich / München. There, the concept of belief change is explained and rehearsed for one whole weekend, with numerous practical examples, to understand when you can use it most efficiently.

Additionally, if you’re interested in how the mind works, NLP neuro-linguistic programming, Coaching or communicationdrop me a line, and I’ll tell you more. Also, if you want to do a private coaching session in nature, feel free to read about my other project where you become one with the mountains, here!